Sihay

February had been a whirlwind that I had half a mind not to finish my books. I’m glad I did. I could only do light reads last month, but I like to think I got even a tiny bit smarter. These books were my respite, entertainment, and at some point, my shield.

The Opposite of Loneliness

I can’t tell you how many people asked if this is a coming-of-age or a young adult novel after they saw the cover. But no. This is an anthology of the works of a promising young woman. She was at the top of her class at Yale, fiery and eager to set the world on fire, then tragically died in a car accident days after she delivered her valedictory address. Her friends, colleagues, and mentors gathered and polished her writings and had the body of work published after her death.

She was almost a decade younger than me when she wrote these, and she seemed to know how to live better than I do, than all of us do. I was in awe of her grit, despite being slight, or what others would say “sensitive.” She cared and it showed. She was raw and honest. It can be daunting to put your little insignificant thoughts out there when you’re young. Who’s going to want to read that or is this even worth talking about? I sometimes want to sound smarter than I am. Marina was honest and secure with what she knew. She saw the world in a certain light and was unabashed to let us look at it through her eyes.

I’ll remember this: I’m relentlessly curious, but my knowledge of the world will always be limited. That’s fine.

The Urgent Life

See any patterns yet? No more softness when situations demand steel. 20-year-old girls die. Infants die. Some parts of you die every day. You don’t know when you’ll last see someone. Sure, planning is always going to be a part of my life, but I can’t always be stuck in it. If you’re planning something, then you’re not doing the actual thing. I’ve always prided myself in my intuition and thought I was good at heeding it. Through this book, I found that I’m not even close to being as intuitive as I want to be, and I learned it the hard way. Next time I’ll be certain to listen more to my gut, or better yet, listen sooner to it.

They say you bring to any book that which you already are. Some parts of the book went over my head. But, I’ve never walked in her or other people’s shoes a mile, so who am I to complain? There were times when I disagreed with Boz’s thoughts, her decisions, but staying true to the creed of her book — only you know what is best for you. Getting advice from somewhere else isn’t bad, but at the end of the day, you know your situation better than anyone else.

Behind Her Eyes

The other two books were lessons. This was pure entertainment and distraction. This book got me through my insomnia and worries. As it was a gift, I didn’t know what I was reading until a few chapters in. I have been a lucid dreamer for as long as I can remember, and how a lucid dreamer’s mind works as described in the book was uncanny.

The twists and the irritation with the main characters pulled me in. I guessed the ending probably three-quarters through, but it was entertaining nevertheless. On a particularly ugly night, I started midway through the book and finished the entire thing by sunrise.

In March, I got quite fascinated with short works — short stories, poems, sketches — since I read The Opposite of Loneliness. Blessings are coming in, but they also come with a lot of work and late nights. I’m not sure how much of my musings will be shareable next month, but right now, these little stories are getting me through. On busy days or hazy nights, it’s like opening the door to another world for a few minutes, leaving it ajar, and then going back to the “real” world because you can’t afford to leave it completely for a whole novel.